How is it that I am probably the happiest I will ever be and yet I am full of despair? When it comes to the point you would like to vomit just so your mind will come in touch with your body for a moment. I haven’t been meditating lately because I got the flu two weeks back. I need to see if that improves my mood. I love but am not able to accept love in return because that’s how life is. I don’t think it is even out there or close to me either. I do feel it to an extent, but it is not enough. Nothing is enough when despair is devouring you. Nothing is enough as you are becoming nothing yourself.