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Last Friday, my wife and I had another couple for a games night which usually consists of a board game and several alcoholic drinks. This time, we never got to any game itself and we went into theological and philosophical discussions. My wife, however, tucked a bottle of wine under her arm and got into it alone (she is terribly bored by these subjects for her own reasons).

The know about the time I declared I didn’t believe in God. That was years ago and they politely challenged me to go over that position again. I’ve been silent for years about it because I work part time at a church. I can’t afford to lose my job either. My family is counting on me. I also can’t be completely honest with myself either because I don’t want to be cornered.

I decided a while ago to be satisfied with being politely quiet on the issue. There’s the contemplative view that allows me to escape directly answering questions like that. It keeps me safe and uncornered. My honest answer is, “I want to believe in God, but claim to be agnostic until I can satisfactorily answer the question publicly.” Well, it is true… to an extent. I actually have an answer, but I will keep it to myself for the time being.

In the meantime, between all the work and school work, I’m going to work on expositing my position for myself and hopefully others.