Well…

Ever get stopped in your tracks and feel absolutely nothing and yet everything at once? I wonder if that’s how it feels to be sunlight; all of the colors – the ones you love, hate, and are indifferent to – all at once.

What’s life like without God? It sucks and it doesn’t suck. At the end of your life is a pitch black wall. I don’t really think it’s the lack of God that makes it that way. It’s not having life after this one. But still, nothing ultimately matters and so it’s like a great, big eternal “meh.” I enjoy my life most of the time. But I don’t feel a strong attachment to things or people. Yet I still try to do good for them and by them. Why? Because I like to. Cause it freedom or determinism, it’s me. But I still feel kind of sad. Not sure how that is. I guess I just wish I had someone to connect to like that. It’s not hard to let go of God as a concept – it’s quite easy to let go of a particular god though.

But still… it’s weird feeling no full satisfaction in anything. There’s still happiness and joy. I just recognize how far feeling and circumstances can go on the spectrum.

That’s enough rambling.

By the way, he lived

By the way – I survived my month off of work from my body trying to die. Got the bill and I might let it die the next time that happens (it better not happen again!) went back to work. Was off a week for a planned vacation and then back to work again. Finally felt normal back at work this week, but it’s overwhelming with an additional office added to my load. Now I’m co-managing 25 providers with schedules… But it’s nice to be needed I guess.

Now if only I get through these last few months of school…

the real problem is taxonomy, not anthropocentrism

Ever post something and then have ZERO idea what you meant? I sure did with this blank post. Accidental? Maybe. I can’t even think of what context I was referring to, but it’s likely something metaphysical. Oh well. I just wasted 15 seconds of your time.

Object-Oriented Philosophy

The more time that passes since the advent of the current strains of continental realism (materialism is something else altogether), the more I sense that the central issue has been misunderstood.

The argument has often been made (including by me) that the correlationism/philosophy of access characteristic of modern thought has tended to reduce the world to its appearance to humans.

Many critics have tried to argue (though they are wrong) that this is a straw man, that German Idealism was already beyond this problem, and so forth. But I’m less interested in these people than I am in those who ostensibly accept the Speculative Realist argument, but in my view draw entirely the wrong conclusions from this.

Stated briefly, the problem is not that humans (and sorry, but Heidegger’s Dasein is still human being) have been given too much attention and that we therefore need to shift the balance back…

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Surviving

Well, I’m finishing day 16 of IV antibiotics and it’s looking like I should be good after this weekend. Glad to be alive but now I’m regretting all the things I’ve been neglecting for the sake of being busy and seeking a mild form of success. I’ve enjoyed playing Minecraft with my kids and taking naps and even watching some anime (don’t judge – and, it’s One Piece). I want to work in music again and just be creative. I miss that last part. I bout some violin lessons and some advanced guitar lessons today. I hope I can put them to use soon.

Recovering

Luckily, the daptomycin I was put on has been working. I’m fever free finally and the swelling is starting to go down. I have to continue on the IV until Wednesday. But today, I managed to play 12 min on the guitar. Of course, I collapsed into a 3 hr nap not too long after that, but it’s progress. (I also made the mistake of picking my son up when he ran to me, out of habit.) To think that the body can get so fragile so quickly…

So far

Well I had a minor procedure where a port was put in my arm on Friday. I had it removed yesterday after my 4th infusion. We’re not sure if the antibiotic is strong enough yet because, while the redness has turned to a pinkish color, the swelling is at a standstill and the pink color has now gotten into my left hand. We may try stronger antibiotics tomorrow if today’s round doesn’t do the trick. It will then be 2 visits to the infusion center a day. But hey, I’m alive still. There’s a plus. This is truly the first time in my life that I have felt the true threat of death. It’s crazy how you can find resolve in these moments.

It Didn’t Shrink

It’s the next morning and the infection spread as much as any other day. I don’t know what this means yet. It will be in my wrist joints tomorrow at this rate. Either I don’t know what to think or I don’t want to think about it. This waiting game is hell.

A Difficult Time

I have recently contracted a staph infection in my left elbow. It’s not being controlled by oral antibiotics so I started IV antibiotics today. If there’s no improvement by Friday evening, I will need surgery. From working in orthopedics over a decade now, I know this can be life threatening. I admit that I’m scared. Not too much yet, but enough for now. I’ve seen people in their 20s die from these types of infections. I can’t share all of this with my family yet, but I’m sure some of them know. Hopefully, the IV antibiotics will work. It’s just a waiting game now.

A Difficult Time

I have recently contracted a staph infection in my left elbow. It’s not being controlled by oral antibiotics so I started IV antibiotics today. If there’s no improvement by Friday evening, I will need surgery. From working in orthopedics over a decade now, I know this can be life threatening. I admit that I’m scared. Not too much yet, but enough for now. I’ve seen people in their 20s die from these types of infections. I can’t share all of this with my family yet, but I’m sure some of them know. Hopefully, the IV antibiotics will work. It’s just a waiting game now.