Ever get stopped in your tracks and feel absolutely nothing and yet everything at once? I wonder if that’s how it feels to be sunlight; all of the colors – the ones you love, hate, and are indifferent to – all at once.

What’s life like without God? It sucks and it doesn’t suck. At the end of your life is a pitch black wall. I don’t really think it’s the lack of God that makes it that way. It’s not having life after this one. But still, nothing ultimately matters and so it’s like a great, big eternal “meh.” I enjoy my life most of the time. But I don’t feel a strong attachment to things or people. Yet I still try to do good for them and by them. Why? Because I like to. Cause it freedom or determinism, it’s me. But I still feel kind of sad. Not sure how that is. I guess I just wish I had someone to connect to like that. It’s not hard to let go of God as a concept – it’s quite easy to let go of a particular god though.

But still… it’s weird feeling no full satisfaction in anything. There’s still happiness and joy. I just recognize how far feeling and circumstances can go on the spectrum.

That’s enough rambling.